Do people like being with you?

If there is ONE question you ask yourself whether or not you are establishing rapport and making a connection, it is this: Did the other person feel good in your presence? What fundamentally makes people feel good when they are with you? Well, there are many things, but most of these could be categorized into any one of these five things:

 

1. Trust
2. Comfort
3. Affirmation
4. Attraction
5. Anchors

The 33 Ways to Instant Rapport and Effortless Connection are designed such that they make people feel good in your presence by creating trust, comfort, affirmation, attraction and anchors. When you apply what you learn from this book, you are able to create these conditions (explained in detail in the book) that make others feel good:

 

1.  They Feel Safe With You(Trust)

 

People feel safe being around you. They don’t feel intimated nor threatened. Their “fight or flight” instincts are not triggered. They know that they can open up to you. At best, they feel it is ok to be vulnerable. Being with you allows them to share their true selves and let go of their masks. Essentially, that is requisite to a deeper sense of connection.

 

2. They Feel Comfortable With You

 

There is something about the way you engage that makes others feel comfortable. They like your company.

 

Meeting someone with a certain kind of warmth about them that makes you feel comfortable is like finding a nice spot on the beach, on a sunny day with blue skies. You just want to soak in all the warmth and brightness.

 

Some people call it energy. Ever felt that or heard others talk about, so and so just have that positive energy? I’m not talking about hyperactive people with a lot of energy. That’s different. Those people can either be inspiring or tiring.

 

Some call it charisma. When you are in the presence of a charismatic person, you just feel good don’t you?

 

Some call it simply the X factor. We can’t put our finger on it, but we just know it when we see it.

 

I call it simply applying some of the basic tools in Click with Ease that allows you to make another person feel good. When you finally make it a habit to practice what I share in this book, I won’t be surprised if you end up receiving more positive feedback from other people – or simply, that more people would like spending more time with you!

 

3.  They Feel Affirmed

 

Being with you makes the other person feel that they are understood. With a very few simple tips in this book, you would be able to make the other person feel as though they have been listened to like never before. They would feel like someone finally gets them!

Oprah captures this powerfully when she said “I’ve talked to nearly 30,000 people on this show, and all of them had one thing in common: they all wanted validation. I would tell you that every single person you would ever meet shares that common desire.”

 

In framing my Click With Ease workshops, I tell people that by the end of the workshop, they would feel like they have found a new best friend. True enough, at the end of the workshops, the room buzzes with undeniable excitement, people can’t help chatting with big smiles on their faces. The body language and exchange of contacts suggest participants may have found someone they would be in touch with for years to come. Someone they just met for the first time! That gives me satisfaction – especially because the techniques I shared, were just a few of the 33 ways that you will be reading from this book!

 

4.  They Are Attracted to You

 

You may think, well, it’s easy to attract people, create rapport and connections if you are attractive. Yes, of course, there is truth in that. People are drawn to whatever it is that they find aesthetically pleasing.

 

But what we often misconstrue is the subjectivity of attractiveness, as well as its pliability.

 

Let me explain that. You don’t have to be born a supermodel to be attractive. What makes people like you may surprise you.

 

You see, similarity is the key to attraction. It has been established in social studies and experiments that people tend to pick partners, recruit and promote employees who are most like them. This is called unconscious bias.

 

In this book, you will find ways in which you would be able to increase similarities to enhance attraction.

 

5.  They Associate Positive Feelings with You (Anchors)

 

This is called anchoring: when a physical experience is associated with your presence, how you look, how you sound and how you feel.

 

This could just be a case of being at the right place at the right time. I’ve experienced this with dancing. It’s easy for me to attract the opposite sex when it comes to dancing. Guys who love to dance would naturally feel good when THEY ARE already dancing. Dancing, like most physical activities, release endorphins, which are feel good chemicals. Being around them while they are feeling good helps create that positive association with me.

 

I find it easy to make friends travelling as well. It is a myth that travelling alone is lonely – far from it! I find that fellow independent travellers not only have a lot of things in common (travelling alone, for one), but also that they already are typically at a heightened level of experience. Adventures trigger adrenalin and excitement. Being around people this way creates an association of excitement. It is not uncommon for people to fall in love, even meet their life-long partners when travelling.

(This is a snippet from the Introduction of my upcoming book, Click With Ease: 33 Ways to Instant Rapport and Effortless Connection)